FOR CAREGIVERS

• For mothers: try to take a breath and take time for yourself to heal. It is likely even if you had a vaginal delivery that the doctors will keep you under observation for a time before you can see your babies. Sleep will become a crucial component to your health, and thusly your baby's health (as you will be their most important advocate in the coming days). Talk with your partner, a family member or close friend about taking up the reigns in managing issues that may be occurring around you until you are healed enough to participate. 

• Do not consult with "Dr. Google". It can be very compelling to research the internet to find out about outcomes and issues for babies with similar circumstances to yours. Unfortunately this act can often backfire, as google oftentimes pulls articles that outline worst case scenarios that can serve to exacerbate the anxiety and depression triggered by having a medically complex or premature baby. Do your best to stick with the "here and now" with your baby, and to not impact what is already an incredibly stressful experience with more stress. 

• Ask the nurse practitioner or head nurse about whether your NICU has a written list of policies regarding the unit. NICUs can vary drastically; some have policies about when a baby can be held or be released from the hospital, some provide parents with the opportunity to room-in with their babies, some have hours during the shift exchange of nurses during which parents are not allowed to visit. If there isn't a written list, be sure to get a brief overview of important facets of the policy from the nurse assigned to your baby.

• In most hospitals, your family will be assigned a social worker. Find out who that person is so you can reach out to them if need be. Social workers can be a huge resource to a family, and oftentimes they will be able to refer you to therapeutic services, help you in getting SSI, and manage your insurance.  

• Try to take time with your partner, a close friend or a family member to just stop and talk about how you are doing. Oftentimes the "rollercoaster" of the NICU can overwhelm parents; it's important to deliberately make a space to connect over everything that's happening. The NICU inspires a lot of stress in relationships so it's good to take a proactive stance. 

• If you suspect your NICU stay will be more than two weeks, it's a good idea to find a primary nurse or two. Most hospitals will offer the possibility of your baby to have one or two primary nurses (usually one for the day shift and one for the night shift) who will work with your baby every time they have a shift, thusly providing your baby with a consistency of care. Many parents report having become close with their primary nurses over the course of their baby's NICU stay, as they oftentimes become your baby's advocate when you cannot be there.  

• When the dust settles after the birth, try to find support and community with other parents. Some NICUs offer parent support groups, there are several online resources (including the NICU Healing Facebook support group), and try to talk to other parents in the common areas of the hospital. The support of other NICU parents is remarkably useful, as they are the people who will understand most acutely what it is you are going through, and you them. 

• As hard as it may be at first, take pictures. Someday you will barely remember how tiny your baby was. Even though it's hard to see your baby attached to medical equipment, you may someday cherish the photos that document your journey in the NICU. Here is a great tutorial on how to take pictures in the NICU.

• Talk to your neonatologist about when you can try kangaroo care. It has positive outcomes for both you and your baby, and can also stimulate lactation if you are breastfeeding. 

• Don't be afraid to talk to the charge nurse if you have problems with the nurse assigned to your baby. Follow your instincts. Remember that you should not have to feel uncomfortable around your baby. Although there are protocols that nurses have to follow, it's also their job to help you understand what's happening with your baby, as well as to make you feel comfortable while you are there.